Finding solution to girl child plight

DOREEN NAWA
Chongwe

WHEN schoolgirls in Kumena, Kasenga and Hillcrest about 45 kilometres away from Chongwe town reach puberty, it is a gate way for their parents to marry them off.
For their parents and guardians, this is a way of shifting responsibilities attached to buying sanitary pads to their husbands.
The age of the man does not matter as long as the girl has reached puberty.
Lucy Sakala, one of the girls, reached puberty at 13 and when she got her first period, she asked her mother for sanitary pads.
Her mother dismissively suggested that she should find herself a husband to pay for her sanitary pads.
Two years later, Lucy could not continue with her school. She was forced to drop out of school at 15 when her widowed mother could no longer afford to pay for her school fees and buying sanitary pads.
This situation forced her mother to marry her off.
“My mother told me I could not go to school anymore because she had no money for schools fees. I was so bored at home. Each time I would ask her when I would start school. Her answer was that she did not have money. I had nothing to do and no money. My mother told me it would be best to look for a man so that he could buy me things I needed, like sanitary pads,” Lucy says.
The man who married Lucy only paid K500 for her to become his wife and a year later she had a baby boy.
She says being married off early was shocking to her because she wanted to be in school and pursue her dream.
“I felt frustrated and alone, forced to stay at home all day by a husband who restricted my movements.  My parents struggled to send me to school until I was 15 and there I was, wasting my education by just staying at home,” she says.
Lucy’s story is not uncommon. Many girls in rural areas drop out of education when they begin menstruating because their schools lack proper washrooms or because they cannot afford costly sanitary products.
Peggy Miti, 44, says hundreds of girls in Chongwe are forced into child marriages by parents who are too poor to buy hygiene products.
As a mother, Mrs Miti says many girls in her area are pressured into having sex by boys who offer to buy them sanitary items in return.
Mrs Miti has hope in organisations which advocates for an end to child marriage to donatie sanitary pads in rural schools.
Girl’s menstrual health is still considered taboo subject in conservative rural communities countrywide.
“Even just the mention of buttocks, one can be taken to the traditional council. It is worse when one mentions about a private part to a parent or guardian. Such is considered sacred and only to be said to a husband not anyone,” Mrs Miti says.
For some time now, development experts say child marriage is a major barrier to girls’ education.
Repssi country director Kelvin Ngoma says girls who marry at a young age are often subjected to domestic violence, sexual abuse and social isolation.
Mr Ngoma says lack of formal and informal education in rural areas have reduced options of earning money, thereby leaving girls in child marriages dependent on their husbands.
Repssi is an NGO that advocates for an end to child marriage by training teachers in an effort to address psychosocial issues affecting children which include child marriage.
“Repssi is sensitising communities on psychosocial needs of the children by engaging the Government and local government authorities, traditional leaders, religious leaders, parents and caregivers, communities, and the children,” Mr Ngoma says.
Mr Ngoma says there is need to enforce laws and also providing incentives which will lessen school girl child dropouts.
U.N. children’s agency UNICEF has estimated around 50 percent of girls countrywide miss class because their schools lack separate toilets and washing facilities to help them manage their periods.
Many fall behind and end up quitting school. Once out of school they are more likely to be married off.
Although Zambia has banned child marriage, four in 10 girls are married off before they attain the age of 18 and one in 10 before 15, UNICEF says.
World Vision Zambia National Campaign Coordinator James Zimba says the lack of menstrual hygiene support for schoolgirls was a strong factor in the country’s high drop-out rate.
More than 40 percent of girls fail to complete primary school and only a fifth start secondary school, Mr Zimba says.
“Education is a very powerful tool in the prevention of child marriage.  When girls are out of school because they cannot manage their periods it’s hard for them to avoid marriage,” Mr Zimba says.
Sanitary products could cost girls around K20 a month - a prohibitive price for many in rural areas.
In rural schools, menstruation comes with stigma and bullying especially when one stains their uniform or dress.
To keep safe and away from the embarrassment, instead girls often use old rags, dried leaves or grass or paper - sometimes tearing pages from school books.
To tackle the stigma, several aid agencies have set up menstrual hygiene clubs at schools across the country where girls can make their own reusable cotton sanitary pads with removable waterproof linings.
Mr Zimba says to reduce the cost of sanitary pads, there is need to ensure schools are empowered to make girls make their own sanitary pads.
“There is a lot of ignorance around periods. The effect on the girls was devastating: many skipped school to avoid the bullying. Some never returned,” Mr Zimba says.
At one school, Kumena, boys told this author that they thought girls who bled had been victims of sexual violence and drew demeaning pictures on the blackboard.
Kumena Boys Network chairperson Obert Mwale says an initiative to bring in boys to understand the anatomy of the girls has been formed.
“It is now that boys are included in some clubs, talking about the pads and issues of menstruation,” a pupil at Kumena Obert says.
Zambia is not the only country looking at providing free sanitary towels as a way to boost girls’ education levels. Kenya, Uganda are among the many developing countries that are still grappling with catalysts to child marriages like lack of sanitary pads.
Zambia has also promised to supply pads to schoolgirls - although aid agency WaterAid said Zambia is yet to commit any funding.
But Ministry of General Education permanent secretary Jobbicks Kalumba says the sanitary pads distribution in rural has started.
Dr Kalumba says the exercise is currently donor based.
"Our cooperating partners have started this process and it is all in the hope of reducing the burden than our girls face," Dr Kalumba says. PUBLISH IN THE ZAMBIA DAILY MAIL ON OCTOBER 11, 2020.

Breaking the Silence: Diane’s experience

DOREEN NAWA
Lusaka

“BREAKING the silence,” is Diane Louangrath’s book where she shares her story of sexual violence by her step-father and husbands from two separate marriages.
In line with the title of her book, she sat down with the Sunday Mail to break the silence on her sexual abuse.  
It is not like Diane’s step father wore a sign saying, ‘I’m a sexual predator.’ He was a cool dad.
Diane, an American citizen of Thai origin, never lived happily. She was born from an abusive home. Her parents never lived in peace in their home.
This resulted in the parents divorcing when they relocated from Thailand to Ohio, Texas in United States of America.
Both her parents remarried. Diane was six when her step-father started molesting her.
Her step-father continued molesting her and when she turned 12, the step father became more comfortable and started having sexual intercourse with her.
When the trend continued and turned to rape, Diane decided to disclose to her mom and the principal at her school.
Before disclosing what she was going through, Diane used to watch a lot of movies and documentaries about sexual abuse from which she gathered courage to open up.
“My mom was shocked and speechless,” Diane says.
But when Police came in to investigate the case, Diane’s mom became defensive for her husband.
“When police came in, my mom defended my step-father saying my step-father loved us so much and he could not molest me,” Diane says.
In the United States, when a case of molestation is disclosed to teachers or school authority, police get involved and the victim is separated from their parents or guardian.
So Diane was separated and taken to the Child protective Centre were she was treated like a juvenile delinquent.
Then her cousin came to pick her up and two years later, her mom married Diane off to a 22-year-old man.
This was Diane’s first marriage at 14 years of age.
“I was confused by my mom’s action. Nothing like this had happened before. I was still a kid and all she does is to marry me off. As a result, I went to this marriage with anger. My first husband, the 22-year-old guy was of Asian origin,” she says.
After nine years of being married, Diane left her first marriage.
And in 2007, Diane got marriage to a Zambian national in the United States of America.
In 2010, her husband brought Diane to Zambia for introduction and to introduce their first born daughter.
This marriage too was toxic. Diane was in another abusive marriage and in 2014, she left this marriage.
For the next two years, Diane continued to struggle, both with the physical abuse and the emotional pain it brought her.
“I took steps to prevent the pain, but a part of me was hate. It was another toxic relationship. I did not know that I had gone into depression because no justice was done from the start when my step-father abused me and when I was forced into marriage at 14. I grew up a bitter person and this first experience of abuse affected all my marriages. I ended up experiencing emotional and mental abuses which resulted into me going in clinical depression,” she says.
And in 2016, Diane remarried to another Zambian in the US.
This third marriage too could not last and after three years, Diane divorced again.
“All my three marriages were toxic and unhealthy. I struggled to fit in. The last two marriages with Zambian husbands, one a Bemba and the last one a Tonga made me realise that I needed to heal from trauma. I was so traumatised,” she says.
Diane poses and talks about recovering from sexual abuse.
“Perpetrators of child sexual abuse will often use grooming tactics, like gift-giving, spending alone time and building age-inappropriate relationships with children and teens to keep them silent about the abuse,” she says.
The abuse had serious effects on Diane’s life including mental illness, inability to maintain relationships and suicidal thoughts.
“I attempted suicide three times. The last one was in 2018. Then at that point, God came through and I gathered courage to soldier on,” she says.
Diane says the effects of sexual violence can be challenging to deal with, but with the right support they can be managed.
“They can be particularly challenging for women, men and boys who face unique challenges due to social norms about masculinity. Actually abuse has no colour, race or gender.  Do not internalise the abuse,” she says
She says from her experience, Diane has learnt that it is important to have a supportive group of friends and family to be your rock.
“I think it would have worked better for me if I had a mother who was supportive and if I was able to talk about the abuse to a supportive group of people,” she says.
Diane has now founded an organisation called Renewed Strength Zambia, an organisation that helps survivors of sexual abuses get back to their normal lives and find a way out to the many challenges they face like trauma.
Diane says it is not uncommon for survivors to feel alone and isolated.
For many, Diane says hearing and sharing stories can play a vital role in their recovery from trauma which is the reason she came up with the organisation to help people open up and find help.
She says from her experience, sexual violence can have psychological, emotional, and physical effects on a survivor.
Diane says these effects are not always easy to deal with, but with the right help and support they can be managed.
“Learning more can help you find the best form of care to begin the healing process. I ended up writing a book, titled, Breaking the Silence and it is on Amazon all because I wanted people to know my story and together, we can move on with life because abusers do not apologise and sometimes do not even get punished at all,” she says. ALSO PUBLISHED IN THE ZAMBIA DAILY MAIL ON OCTOBER 4, 2020.